| cold again and no one cares |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|06:06 pm] |
I got into a fight with my parents today.
My dad came up stairs and I was watching TV and on the computer and he starts rambling and talking and talking about the television show I was watching and complaining and bitching and just talking talking talking talking talking.
so i tell him to be quiet and leave me alone 'cause I was legitimately trying to do homework and respond to one of my teachers. I turn off the tv.
but he doesn't stop talking talking talking talking talking talking talking talking
finally gives me a good piece of information
lady across the street has one of my packages. everyone makes jokes, oh ho ho emma doesn't know how to handle her money she spends it before she even has it oh ho ho ho.
my savings CLEARLY are larger than yours or else you wouldn't need rent from me on an apartment you won't help me move into.
i log off the computer and leave it for my dad. he's all"why are you so miserable" " you miserable" "why you so miserable" and he shoots rockets at me as I leave the house.
i go into the kitchen before i leave and i say very loudly and audibly "I HATE LIVING HERE"
and my mom turns to me with her eyes all watery like it mattered that i was here (although she hadn't yet acknowledged me) and says "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY" "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY" "WHAT?"
what do you care? is probably what i responded with. 'cause you dont.
and you don't care about the homework I'm trying to do.
and honestly, I don't care about all the dumb shit you signed yourself up for.
just like you don't care about all the now rotting vegetables we worked hard to grow
and like you don't care about how i feel
'cause you don't.
if you didn't, you wouldn't make fun of me when i voice my opinions and you wouldn't fucking textwall me when I come home or on my way to school. i realized today that I just need to find solutions to getting myself + bike to school rather than get the "you can't bike, wear a helmet, it's raining" bullshit i got this morning.
well, fuck you. i don't need your armchair politics and i don't need to live here anymore.
i don't need to feel obligated to you because you feed me but you refuse to let me make dinner.
i don't need your control and i'm tired of your judgment.
so fuck all of you.
and I'm tempted just not even to bother showing up for thanksgiving.
i mean, who cares anyways?
my aunt just needed me for my discount. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|11:13 pm] |
oh ho ho.
my room is a FUCKING HUGE MESS right now 'cause of the amazingness known as me moving.
yeah, that's right.
i moved a whole bunch of my shit yesterday, much to my father's dismay.
ha-HA.
at least I'm getting something done. it's now cold as hell and lonely in my big empty room.
it's such a weird feeling to get all the crap I had so well nestled into this small space out
and me too, 'cause i was really well nestled in here but
not anymore.
and here's me in a picture i probably already posted in japan wearing tiararose.
and i'm pretty sure i busted some of the lacing out of it.
artschool. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|03:27 pm] |
those are my dad's tanks at a paintball field.
i'm logged in as him right now and i haven't bothered to change it. it doesn't matter, he's computer retarded.
i have a day off from work today
so i was going to move.
wow, right?
well ONCE AGAIN
there is no vehicle, no one to drive it and no one to help me.
FUCK YOU PARENTS.
so i'm eating a baked potato from a couple days ago or something
and my dad goes "you are just going to procrastinate all day and do your homework at midnight as if you were working so why didn't you just work today?"
implied logic being that i'm just such a goddamn slacker that I should just work FOUR days a week.
three isn't enough for you?
really?
man, fuck everything. and my parents are all "why are you so depressed?"
GEEZ, I WONDER. |
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| and now, to business. |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|11:22 am] |
I made these shirts (as some of you might know) for my fibers/comics class. We had to make a multiple that was individual at the same time. And so I made ten western shirts. they are all made from floral 70s bedsheets (as we know I have ample) and they are screen printed on the back with a collage of nihei and other crap.
I think it's pretty sweet, but you know, whatever.
they were all the same size and I used a commercial pattern, don't judge me. I made all of them within a week. try topping that.
i think i could probably easily draft a pattern for something like that now... but... *sigh*
come to think of it, it I was in a much better place then than I am right now.
i have alot of stuff to do today but as another added incentive to convince me to move out while simulataneously fucking me out of doing my homework my dad had some random guy over and they COVERED my pattern pieces with their stuff (for my shirt, which, is due tomorrow, complete with corsetting kill me now). and didn't bother to mention that they were here so i go wandering out in my pajamas which are not exactly skimpy, but i certainly didn't appreciate it.
so
it's 1117 and i've gotta go to work at noon.
i just got a bill in the mail from the mother fucking doctor for $136. i have $112 in my checking account and the other bills haven't gone through yet. fuck, i seriously can't handle this money bullshit anymore.
i'm going to sell some stuff off and then i'm not buying ANYTHING for a A LONNNNG time.
and my mom keeps bitching at me to "drink something" "eat something" "drink something" "eat something" "did you drink anything?" "why aren't you eating?"
oh, sorry, try living my life for a couple seconds and you'll realize that it's causing me terrible stomach pains and other things i dont want to talk about so eating and drinking don't rank high on my priorities.
i think tonight's going to be my first can of monster in over a year.
i get it now, i didn't before, but it makes perfect sense to me why people don't get their work done and why people don't come to class.
LIFE is ridiculous.
and everyone's is different, so who am I to judge?
as i will be judged by my class tomorrow as we all judge each other with our teacher who blames herself for our failings and the time I don't have to finish anything.
i should quit my job but i have nothing else. so i should quit my school but i have nothing else. so i should scale school down but i "have to take a drawing class" says my mom. so i should quit my job but i "CANNOT quit my job" says my mom.
so what am I suppposed to do?
sleep less, die now live later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|05:28 pm] |
i come home.
there's no one here.
i try to access my fucking school email.
i can't.
i try to fucking access a couple other websites and this piece of shit vista computer refuses.
and finally unfreezes but totally made me an unhappy panda.
nooot to mention my stomach is still all wonky. oi -_-;;
if it ain't one end, it's the other.
i have this extremely gruesome image from the bosnia herzegovina war that i keep accidentally clicking on every time i try to open firefox.
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| I know I ain't no one in particular but I guess I should start a fashion blog |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|08:50 pm] |
to waste my time a little better, right? and maybe 'my inspiration'
in the same theme as what i was talking about a little with thierry perez and alaia
This AMAZING Alexander McQueen RTW Fall 09 collection
has been reillustrated by someone i just fell in love with, connie lim
she's also working on a set of playing cards that has been written about here.
i really hope they actually get made. |
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| custom fabric i don't care about egl maybe it's been posted... |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|11:11 am] |
so i'm flipping through martha stewart as per usual
andddd
there's a "custom fabric is awesome section" about this place:
KarmaKraft custom printed fabric.
I know everyone was shitting bricks at the last place that was posted with it's ridiculous price blah blah blah
this place is as expensive, but seems the quality of the cotton is better. I'll have to keep it in mind.
and then if you want to do it from home, there are fabrics for the printer.
June Tailor has a whole line of them. |
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| keeping my promise to no one |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|11:21 am] |
that is one pimp skirt.
i scanned this at the fashion resource center at my shitty school from a magazine call "IDEE" from 1950something |
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| pokin the part of my finger that i cant feeeeelll |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|09:49 am] |
I'm extremely tired of living here. If I felt like I had no obligation to my parents and they had none to me, then we would not be having the sorts of problems we are and I would not be so horribly dissatisfied with my circumstance. I know it ain't so bad and whatever, but seriously. take this weekend for example. no one bothers to tell me what's going on. they don't care, i'll be at work.
well, i switched shifts so I could go to mitsuwa for the fucking otoro which i am not allowed to ever have bullshit and i mentioned this to my mom who recently has been very mean to me and her response was "thats nice"
and i was all... so what are you up to this weekend? would anyone like to go with me?
and my mom was all "we are very busy. too bad."
CARE YOU ASSHOLE. so now.
i need to go get art supplies. but i have to go to work at noon.
fucking dick blick doesn't fucking open until 11, so jesus is going to get me some art supplies 'cause ain't no way in hell I'm going to be able to get them.
hate hate hate
my mom's all whatever |
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